How to Stop Co-Sleeping with Older Kids: Gentle Sleep Training Tips
If your child is still co-sleeping at age 5, 7, or even older, you're not alone. Many families end up co-sleeping with older children much longer than they planned—sometimes out of necessity, sometimes by choice, and often a mix of both. And while family bed sharing may have worked for a season, you might now feel ready to help your child transition to independent sleep.
Here's the good news: It's not too late to stop co-sleeping. With the right sleep training strategies for older kids, children can learn to sleep in their own space, and parents can reclaim their bed and their rest—without power struggles or shame.
As a certified behavioral sleep specialist, behavior analyst, and mom of three, I want to share some practical, evidence-based sleep transition techniques that can make the process smoother for both you and your child.
Why Families Co-Sleep (and Why They Transition Later)
Co-sleeping arrangements often start with the best of intentions:
It makes nighttime feeds easier
It brings comfort during big feelings or tough developmental phases
It helps everyone get some sleep when nothing else seems to work
But over time, many parents start to feel the downsides—sleep disruption, less space, and a child who struggles to fall or stay asleep without a parent right there. That's often when families begin thinking about the co-sleeping transition.
7 Expert Tips for Helping Older Kids Sleep Independently
1. Start with an Age-Appropriate Conversation
Older children understand more than we sometimes give them credit for. Let your child know why you want to make this change—because healthy sleep habits are important for their body, brain, and independence, and because parents need rest too. Acknowledge that it might feel hard at first, and reassure them that you'll support them through the sleep training process.
2. Create a Cozy, Inviting Sleep Environment
Set your child up for success by making their room a place they want to be. Let them pick out new bedding, choose a stuffed animal, or help set up a special night-light. When kids have some ownership over their sleep space, they're often more motivated to use it.
3. Spend Time in Their Room Outside of Bedtime
This is a game-changer for transitioning from co-sleeping. Don't wait until bedtime to introduce the new sleep space. During the day, spend time reading, playing, or doing calming activities together in their room. Pairing the space with comfort and fun builds positive sleep associations—so when bedtime rolls around, the room feels safe and familiar, not scary or lonely.
4. Establish a Consistent Bedtime Routine
Children thrive on predictability. A simple, consistent bedtime routine (bath, PJs, story, snuggle, lights out) helps signal to your child's brain and body that it's time for sleep. The more predictable the steps, the less room there is for bedtime resistance or stalling.
5. Use Gradual Separation Techniques
If your child is used to having you right next to them, jumping to total independence overnight might feel overwhelming. Instead, try gradual sleep training:
Start by sitting beside the bed until they fall asleep
After a few nights, move to a chair a little farther away
Then, transition to brief check-ins after you tuck them in
This step-by-step approach helps kids build confidence while still knowing you're nearby.
6. Offer Comfort Objects and Positive Reinforcement
For some children, having a transitional object can make a big difference. A stuffed animal, a family photo, or even a soft T-shirt of yours can provide sleep comfort when you're not there. And don't forget the power of positive reinforcement—praise or small rewards for progress (like staying in bed all night) can really motivate kids to keep going.
7. Expect and Manage Sleep Challenges
It's normal for kids to show bedtime resistance during big changes. There may be tears, bedtime stalling, or middle-of-the-night visits. This doesn't mean the process isn't working. Stay calm, stay consistent, and remember that every step forward—no matter how small—is progress in your sleep training journey.
Mindset for Parents: Making the Co-Sleeping Transition
Transitioning away from co-sleeping is a process, not a one-night fix. Some nights will feel harder than others, and that's okay. The key is to be consistent, supportive, and patient—with your child and yourself.
Independent sleep doesn't mean less connection—it means your child is learning essential sleep skills that will serve them for years to come. And when you're better rested, you can show up as the parent you want to be during the day.
When to Seek Professional Sleep Support
If you've tried these strategies and are still struggling with sleep problems in older children, consider working with a pediatric sleep consultant or behavioral sleep specialist. Professional guidance can help you create a customized sleep plan that addresses your family's specific needs.
You've Got This (Really, You Do)
If your family has been co-sleeping and you're ready for a change, I want you to hold onto this truth: it's not too late to help older kids sleep independently, and you absolutely don't have to figure it out alone.
Change takes time, and every family's timeline looks different. Some children transition smoothly in a few weeks. Others need months of patient, consistent support. Both paths are normal, and both can lead to better sleep for the whole family.
What matters most is that you're approaching this with love, flexibility, and trust in your child's ability to grow. Every small step toward independent sleep habits is worth celebrating because you're not just teaching sleep skills, you're building your child's confidence in their own resilience.
If you'd like support that's tailored specifically to your child and family, I'd be honored to help. You can learn more about my sleep support services [here].
About the Author
Tiffany Marrelli is a behavior analyst and certified behavioral sleep specialist who specializes in working with children ages 2-12, both neurodiverse and neurotypical. She believes that every child deserves restful sleep and that every family's approach should honor their unique values and circumstances. Tiffany takes a collaborative, compassionate approach to sleep support, working alongside families to create sustainable changes that feel right for everyone involved.
Keep Reading: More Sleep Support for Your Family
Why Consistent Bedtime Routines Fail (And What Works)
Struggling with bedtime battles even with a solid routine? Discover why "just be consistent" advice falls short and learn the strategic approach that actually works for families.
Sleep Regression 101: A Complete Guide for Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)
Is your previously good sleeper suddenly fighting bedtime or waking at night? Learn the signs of true developmental regressions and evidence-based strategies to support your child through these temporary disruptions.
Why Traditional Sleep Advice Fails Neurodivergent Kids (And What Actually Works)
If you're raising a neurodivergent child and traditional sleep strategies aren't working, discover why standard approaches weren't designed with your child's unique brain in mind and what actually helps.
The Science of Sleep Pressure: How to Make Bedtime Easier
Understanding your child's biological need for sleep might be the missing piece to solving bedtime battles. Learn how to work with your child's natural rhythms instead of against them.
