When Morning Routines Fall Apart (And How We Get Back on Track)
Last week, I was feeling really frustrated with our morning routine before school. There I was, standing in my kitchen at 7:45 AM, repeating the same instructions over and over.
"Shoes on, please."
"Did you brush your teeth?"
"Where's your backpack?"
I have three kids, and somehow each one seemed to have selective hearing that particular morning. The clock was ticking, lunches weren't packed, and I could feel that familiar knot of frustration building in my chest. Before I knew it, I was raising my voice, rushing everyone to the door, and sending my babies off to school after complete chaos.
If you've been there too, you're not alone. Morning routine struggles are one of the most common challenges I hear about from the families I work with. And even though I help families with this every day, I still have mornings that fall apart.
As I sat in my quiet house afterward, guilt washing over me, I thought about what I could have done differently. Knowing the strategies and actually implementing them in the heat of real life are two very different things.
So I did what I always encourage the families I work with to do. I took a step back and reflected on what actually went wrong, why it might be happening, what I wanted my kids to do instead, and how I could set us all up for success.
Why Morning Routines Fall Apart
Last school year, we had a pretty solid morning routine. I started the year using visual schedules to help outline expectations. Written schedules for my boys and a fun picture schedule (mermaid-themed of course) for my youngest. Throughout the school year, we were able to fade these supports out as the routine became second nature.
But summer happened. Three months of sleeping in, no schedules, and pure vacation mode. Now that school's back in session, it hit me. We might need to circle back to those visual supports that worked so well before. And that's okay.
This is actually a really common pattern. When routines change or kids go through transitions (summer break, new school year, developmental leaps, new sibling), the skills that seemed solid can temporarily fall apart. It doesn't mean you failed or that your child is regressing. It just means they need a little extra support during the adjustment period.
Evidence-Based Strategies That Actually Work
Here are the strategies I'm implementing this week. These aren't just parenting tips I found on Pinterest. They're grounded in applied behavior analysis and proven to help kids learn new routines and follow through independently.
1. Bring Back Visual Supports
Visual schedules work because they remove the guesswork for kids. Instead of trying to remember what comes next or waiting for you to tell them, they can look at their schedule and know exactly what's expected.
We're creating a new morning routine visual schedule together. You have options here. If you want something ready-made, I've created a free set you can download here. But honestly, some of the most effective schedules I've seen are the DIY ones.
How to create your own visual schedule:
Sit down with your child and list out every step of the morning routine
Keep it simple: 5-8 steps is usually plenty
For younger kids or visual learners, take photos of your child doing each step
For older kids, written lists or simple drawings work great
Let them decorate it or choose the format
Post it somewhere visible (bathroom mirror, bedroom door, kitchen)
When kids help create their own schedule, they feel more ownership over following it. Plus, it becomes a fun activity rather than another item on your parenting to-do list.
Why this works: Visual schedules serve as environmental cues that prompt the behavior without you having to be the one constantly reminding. This builds independence and reduces the nagging cycle that leads to frustration on both sides.
2. Give Yourselves Grace with Extra Time
We're waking up 15 minutes earlier. Not to rush, but to move with intention instead of panic.
When we're running late, everything feels more stressful. Kids pick up on our anxiety, which can actually make them move slower or become more resistant. That extra buffer of time changes the entire energy of the morning.
Try this: Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier for one week and see what shifts. You might be surprised how much calmer everyone feels when there's room to breathe.
3. Be Specific with Your Praise
Instead of general encouragement, I'm catching them in the act of doing exactly what I want to see more of.
"I noticed you put your shoes by the door last night. That made this morning so much smoother!"
This is different from saying "good job" or "nice work." Specific praise tells kids exactly what behaviors to repeat. It also helps them understand the connection between their actions and positive outcomes.
More examples of specific praise:
"You got dressed all by yourself this morning. That's exactly what I'm looking for!"
"I love how you came downstairs ready to go. That was so helpful."
"You remembered to brush your teeth without me reminding you. You're really getting the hang of this routine."
Why this works: In behavior analysis, we call this differential reinforcement. You're strengthening the behaviors you want to see by giving them attention and acknowledgment, which makes those behaviors more likely to happen again.
4. Set Clear, Calm Expectations
I'm being more intentional about giving directions once, waiting a moment for them to process, then following through consistently. No more repeating myself six times and getting increasingly frustrated.
Here's what this looks like in practice:
· Give the direction clearly: "It's time to put your shoes on."
· Wait 5-10 seconds (kids need processing time)
· If they don't start moving, give one prompt: "I'm waiting for you to put your shoes on."
· Follow through with a natural consequence if needed: "We leave in 5 minutes whether shoes are on or not. If they're not on, you'll need to carry them to the car and put them on there."
The key is staying calm and matter-of-fact, not threatening or angry. You're simply following through on the expectation.
Why this works: Repeating directions multiple times actually teaches kids they don't need to listen the first time. When you follow through consistently, kids learn that expectations are real and it's worth responding the first time.
5. Prep the Night Before
Backpacks packed, clothes laid out, shoes by the door. Future me always thanks present me for this one.
I know it feels like one more thing to do when you're already exhausted at night. But spending 10 minutes before bed can save you 30 minutes of chaos in the morning.
Evening prep checklist:
Pack backpacks and place by the door
Lay out clothes (let kids choose the night before to avoid morning battles)
Make lunches or prep lunch items
Check the weather and adjust clothing choices accordingly
Set out breakfast items
Charge devices, find library books, sign permission slips
Consider making this part of your kids' bedtime routine. Even young children can help lay out their clothes or pack their backpack with guidance.
6. Add Some Joy to the Routine
We've started playing our "getting ready song." A fun, upbeat tune that signals it's time to get shoes on and head to the door. It's amazing how a little music can shift the entire energy.
Morning routines don't have to be drill sergeant style. Adding elements of fun makes kids more cooperative and helps everyone start the day on a positive note.
Ideas to add joy:
Play upbeat music during getting-ready time
Have a special breakfast once a week (we do Friday donut dates at our house)
Create a silly handshake or send-off ritual
Tell jokes or share something you're looking forward to that day
Make it a race (in a fun way): "I bet you can't get dressed before this song ends!"
7. Use Technology as Your Assistant
I set up Alexa to remind my older son when it's time to head out for the middle school bus stop. This has helped so much. I sometimes get so caught up helping the younger two that I lose track of time, and this way he gets the cue to be independent rather than waiting for me to notice the clock.
Plus, somehow kids listen to Alexa better than they listen to us sometimes. Go figure!
Other ways to use technology:
Set phone alarms for transition times (time to brush teeth, time to head out)
Use a visual timer app so kids can see how much time is left
Create a playlist that matches your routine timeline
Use smart lights that change color at different transition points
Why this works: Technology provides a neutral, consistent cue that isn't emotionally charged. There's no nagging tone, no frustration. Just a clear signal that it's time for the next step.
8. Problem-Solve Together
Instead of just telling them what went wrong, I'm asking questions like "What do you think would help you remember to brush your teeth?"
Kids often have the best solutions when we give them the chance to think it through. This approach also teaches them problem-solving skills they'll use throughout life.
Questions to ask your kids:
"What part of the morning routine feels hardest for you?"
"What would make mornings easier?"
"What can I do to help you be successful?"
"What could you do differently tomorrow morning?"
You might be surprised by their insights. Maybe your daughter struggles because she can't decide what to wear. Maybe your son gets distracted in his room and needs to get dressed in the bathroom instead. Let them be part of the solution.
9. Celebrate the Small Wins
When someone follows a step without reminders, when we're all ready with time to spare, or even when someone recovers quickly from a mistake, we're acknowledging it. A high-five, an extra snuggle, or even just "I saw that, nice job remembering!"
Celebrating progress, not just perfection, keeps everyone motivated and reinforces that we're all working together as a team.
Ways to celebrate:
Extra five minutes of playtime before school
Special breakfast treat on Friday if the week went well
Sticker chart for younger kids (though intrinsic motivation is the goal long-term)
Family high-five when everyone's ready on time
Simple verbal acknowledgment: "We did it! That was a smooth morning."
When Things Still Don't Go as Planned
The truth is, even with all my training and experience, I'm still figuring it out as we go. Some mornings will be smooth, others will feel like chaos. Both are normal.
What I've learned is that it's not about having perfect mornings. It's about having the tools and strategies to bounce back when things don't go as planned. And sometimes, that means going back to basics, even if we thought we were past needing certain supports.
If you're still struggling after trying these strategies:
Give it time. New routines take 2-3 weeks to become habit. Be consistent and patient with the process.
Look for patterns. Is there a specific step that always derails the morning? A particular child who struggles more than others? A time of day when things fall apart? Identifying patterns helps you target your interventions.
Consider underlying issues. Sometimes morning struggles are actually about something else: not enough sleep, anxiety about school, sensory sensitivities to morning routines, hunger, or developmental challenges. If you've tried everything and mornings are still a daily battle, it might be time to dig deeper.
You're Not Alone in This
If you're in the thick of morning routine struggles right now, take a deep breath and show yourself some compassion. Tomorrow is a fresh start.
Remember that even behavior analysts have mornings that fall apart. The difference is having a toolkit of strategies to pull from and the knowledge that setbacks are just part of the process, not a sign of failure.
What's one small change you could make to tomorrow morning's routine? Start there. You don't have to implement everything at once. Pick one strategy that resonates with you and try it for a week.
Need More Support?
If you're finding that morning struggles, bedtime battles, or other daily routines are becoming a regular source of stress in your house, know that you're not alone. Sometimes having an outside perspective and some targeted strategies can make all the difference.
Whether it's sleep challenges, daily routines, or other parenting hurdles, I'm here to help. Book a free consultation call to chat about how we can support your family, or download my free visual schedule templates to get started today.
About the Author: Tiffany Marrelli is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) specializing in sleep consulting and parent coaching. She works with families to create sustainable, compassionate strategies for common parenting challenges. As a mom of three, she understands the real-world challenges of implementing behavioral strategies in everyday family life.
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