ADHD and Sleep: Why Your Child Can't Fall Asleep (And What Helps)
It's 10pm. Your child has been in bed since 8:30pm. The room is dark, the routine was perfect, you did everything "right."
But they're still awake.
You can hear them shifting around. Maybe calling out with "one more thing" they need to tell you. Or lying there silently, eyes wide open, mind racing.
And you're exhausted. Because this happens most nights.
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. And more importantly - it's not because you're doing something wrong.
Kids with ADHD have brains that genuinely struggle to transition from alert mode to sleep mode. It's not defiance, it's not manipulation, and it's not something they can just "get over."
It's neurology.
Let me explain what's actually happening - and what can help.
Why ADHD Brains Struggle to Fall Asleep
When you understand WHY your child can't fall asleep, it becomes easier to help them. Here's what's actually happening in their brain:
1. Delayed Melatonin Production
Kids with ADHD naturally produce melatonin 1-2 hours later than neurotypical kids.
Their body isn't producing the "it's time to sleep" signal when you want them to fall asleep.
So at 8:30pm when you're putting them to bed? Their brain genuinely doesn't feel tired yet. Their body chemistry isn't cooperating.
This isn't something willpower can override.
2. Dopamine-Seeking Behavior
ADHD brains have lower baseline dopamine levels. This means they're constantly seeking stimulation - even at bedtime.
Lying still in a dark, quiet room? That's the OPPOSITE of stimulation. It's boring. And for an ADHD brain seeking dopamine, boring feels almost painful.
Their brain wants something - anything - more interesting than trying to fall asleep. So it generates its own stimulation: racing thoughts, ideas, worries, plans, memories, random facts.
This is why they suddenly remember seventeen things they MUST tell you at 9pm.
3. Working Memory Overload
ADHD brains struggle with working memory - the ability to hold and process information temporarily.
Throughout the day, thoughts, ideas, worries, and to-dos pile up in their working memory. But unlike neurotypical brains that can naturally "file away" these thoughts, ADHD brains hold onto them.
At bedtime, when external distractions stop, all of those accumulated thoughts come flooding forward. Their mind isn't racing because they WANT it to - it's racing because their working memory is overloaded and has nowhere to put everything.
This is why they might say things like:
"I can't stop thinking"
"My brain won't shut off"
"I keep remembering things"
They're not exaggerating. This is exactly what's happening.
4. Executive Function Works Differently
Falling asleep requires executive function - the ability to shift attention, inhibit impulses, and transition between states.
ADHD brains have executive function that works differently than neurotypical brains. Transitioning from one state to another (like "awake and alert" to "calm and sleepy") takes more cognitive effort.
At bedtime, when they're already tired, their brain is being asked to do something that's genuinely harder for them than it is for neurotypical kids.
It's not that they CAN'T do it - it's that it requires more support and different strategies.
Think of it like this: Some people are naturally good at parallel parking, others need more practice and specific techniques. The end result (getting parked) is achievable for both - they just need different approaches.
ADHD brains can absolutely learn to fall asleep. They just need strategies designed for how their brain transitions, not generic advice that assumes neurotypical executive function.
Why Generic Sleep Advice Doesn't Work
If you've been googling "how to help child fall asleep," you've probably seen the same advice repeated everywhere:
Stick to a consistent bedtime routine
Make sure the room is dark and cool
No screens before bed
Try melatonin
Earlier bedtime
More exercise during the day
And here's the thing: this advice isn't WRONG. These things do help.
But for kids with ADHD, they're not sufficient.
You probably already HAVE a consistent routine. You've already made the room perfect. You've tried melatonin (and maybe it helped a little or maybe not at all).
The problem isn't that you're not doing these things.
The problem is that generic sleep hygiene addresses the ENVIRONMENT, but not the NEUROLOGY.
Your child's brain is producing melatonin late. Their working memory is overloaded. Their dopamine-seeking system is fighting sleep. Their executive function can't manage the transition.
A consistent routine helps. But it can't override neurology.
That's why you need strategies that work WITH how ADHD brains actually function - not against them.
What Actually Helps: The Brain Dump Method
One of the most effective strategies for ADHD racing thoughts at bedtime is something I call the Brain Dump Method.
This addresses the working memory overload problem directly.
What It Is
The Brain Dump Method involves getting all of those racing thoughts OUT of your child's working memory and onto paper - literally dumping everything their brain is holding onto so it can finally rest.
Why It Works
When thoughts are written down, the brain can "let go" of them. It no longer needs to actively hold onto information because it's been externalized and saved.
For ADHD brains with working memory challenges, this is incredibly relieving. All that mental clutter that's been building up all day? It finally has somewhere to go.
How to Do It (Step-by-Step)
TIMING: 15 minutes before bedtime
MATERIALS:
Notebook or paper
Pen or pencil
That's it - nothing fancy needed
THE PROCESS:
Step 1: Set Up
Sit with your child somewhere comfortable (not in bed yet - maybe at a table or on the couch).
Say something like: "We're going to get all your thoughts out of your head so your brain can rest tonight."
Step 2: Brain Dump
Have your child tell you everything on their mind. Everything.
Write it down as they talk (or have them write if they're old enough). For younger kids ages 2-5, you'll do all the writing or they can draw it out. Older kids can write themselves if they want to, use a voice recorder, or you can still scribe for them - whatever works.
This includes:
Things they're excited about
Things they're worried about
Things they don't want to forget
Random thoughts that pop up
Questions they have
Plans for tomorrow
Literally anything
Don't judge, don't problem-solve, don't dismiss. Just write it down.
Step 3: The Parking Lot
Keep a small notepad next to their bed called the "Parking Lot."
Tell them: "If you think of something else after you're in bed, you don't have to hold onto it. Just write it in the Parking Lot and we'll deal with it tomorrow."
This gives their brain permission to let go.
Step 4: The Script
Once everything is written down, say:
"All your thoughts are safe on the paper. You don't need to hold onto them anymore. Your brain can rest now because everything is written down. We'll look at this tomorrow."
This explicit permission to "let go" helps tremendously.
Real Example (8-year-old)
"I'm excited about recess tomorrow. I hope Sam wants to play with me. I need to remember my library book. I'm worried about the math test. Why do dogs wag their tails? I want to build a fort this weekend. Is it going to snow? I don't want to go to Grandma's house. I forgot to tell Mom about the field trip paper. What if I have bad dreams?"
All of this gets written down. None of it needs to be solved right now. It just needs to be OUT of their working memory.
Give it 5-7 nights of consistent use before deciding if it's working. Some kids feel relief immediately, others need a week for their brain to trust the system.
When Brain Dump Isn't Enough
The Brain Dump Method helps many families significantly. And for some, it's the missing piece that finally makes bedtime work.
But for others? One strategy isn't quite enough. If your child:
Has been using Brain Dump consistently for 2+ weeks and still struggles
Falls asleep okay but wakes during the night
Has additional challenges like anxiety or sensory issues
Takes more than 45 minutes to fall asleep even with Brain Dump
...you might need additional strategies.
I've created a comprehensive protocol that includes Brain Dump PLUS four other evidence-based strategies designed specifically for kids with ADHD, autism, and anxiety who struggle with racing thoughts at bedtime.
The Racing Thoughts Protocol includes:
Brain Dump + Parking Lot Method (what we covered here)
Boring the Brain technique
Progressive Relaxation training
Behavioral Expectations system
20-Minute Reset protocol
Each strategy includes step-by-step instructions, troubleshooting guidance, and realistic timelines.
Learn more about the Racing Thoughts Protocol: HERE
Or if you need more individualized support, I offer one-on-one consultations where we can create a completely customized plan for your child's specific situation.
Learn about consultation services: HERE
The Bottom Line
If your child with ADHD can't fall asleep, it's not because they're being difficult. It's not because you haven't tried hard enough.
It's because their brain works differently.
They need strategies designed for how ADHD brains actually function - not generic sleep advice designed for neurotypical kids.
The Brain Dump Method is one powerful tool that addresses working memory overload directly. It won't solve everything for everyone, but it helps many families see significant improvement.
Try it tonight. Give it a full week of consistent use. See what happens.
Your child wants to sleep. Their brain just needs help getting there.
You've got this.
Read More
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About the Author
Tiffany Marrelli, MS, BCBA, CBSP is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Certified Behavioral Sleep Practitioner specializing in sleep challenges for neurodivergent children ages 2-12. She created The Racing Thoughts Protocol after working with hundreds of exhausted families whose kids struggled to fall asleep despite having perfect bedtime routines.
Follow Tiffany on Instagram: @seafamilysleep
Email: tmarrelli@seabehavioral.com
Website: seabehavioral.com
